In the expectation phase of anything, whether positive, negative, or somewhere in-between, we generate feelings about what could happen, and what may come of it all. We build ourselves up for the glory, as well as the grind. We become makeshift psychic mediums, assuming we know what will happen next. But, what if the guessing game wasn’t the problem? What if you know what is about to happen with relative certainty, but the thing you’re waiting for doesn’t have a finite endpoint? What if we are waiting to lose something, or someone, we still have them, but we know they won’t be in the near future? Where does the anticipatory energy go, and what can we do to take care of ourselves while we wait to figure it all out?
It is an entirely human experience to grieve the loss of people and opportunities before we have actually lost them. This applies in a global sense to realities tied to biological death, and otherwise. We grieve the loss of a promotion that we had been anticipating receiving, but are looked-over for in favor of another candidate. We can grieve the loss of a marriage as it incrementally falls apart. We can grieve the loss of a friendship as we are slowly, but steadily, growing farther and farther away from one another. We can sit, bedside, with a loved one in a nursing home or hospice facility, knowing that they are seconds away from death, but not knowing exactly when that moment will come. These experiences all lack concrete timelines - they lack the specificities of the exact impetus which will push our scenario from waiting, to experiencing. It is in these moments when self-care is often shuffled onto the back burner in order be more fully present for our failing person, or scenario. But, these are the times when we need it the most. At times where it feels impossible to step away for fear that we may not be there for the end of what we’ve been going through, we are in more need of self-care than ever. Stepping away for 10 minutes to go for a quick walk, changing our scenery if only for a moment, counseling, coffee catch-ups with our closest person - these are all methods of self-care which can prove beneficial to us while we face the uncertainty that exists abundantly in the face of inevitability.
This program will focus on discussing the definition of anticipatory grief, the foundations of the terminology, as well as the lens through which we view it today. This course will also examine scholarly studies, as well as theoretical frameworks, through which we may better understand anticipatory grief. Additionally, it will suggest different ways in which self-care may be engaged-with, and it will stress the reality that self-care if not selfishness, but rather self-preservation. By caring for oneself, the mind and body are better psychologically-equipped to care for others. This fact is as true for caregivers and providers as it is families spending their final moments with their person. The biological imperative for self-care is universal. Let’s start talking about it.
